This blog is not going to be for everyone. It is deeply personal, and not something society typically talks about.
Here’s a little background on me. My husband and I have been diagnosed with infertility, we have been trying for 5 years to get pregnant to no avail-thus far.
Now, everyone thinks “ooh, all the sex- you two must be having so much fun.” And quite frankly some months that couldn’t be further from the truth. How can you maintain the spontaneity and fun when you are being told by Doctors which days to have sex, and which days not to. Each and every time we have sex you know in the back of one of our minds there’s some math equations going on. “Is this the right day?” “If we have sex today does it line up for our next treatment?” etc. Being someone who is very sex positive, and open I am also struggling with giving my partner dates that he can and cannot masturbate. Scheduling intimacy is not something I had ever wanted to do. It’s hard- but I am not writing this to focus on the difficulties of this, instead I want to write this to hopefully inspire someone who might be in the same position as myself.
So first things first, these hormones they give you- one of the side affects is vaginal dryness.. because you’re already going through so much, why not throw that side effect in the bucket right? On top of that did you know that when you are trying to conceive, doctors recommend not using lube because it can affect the travel of the sperm. Or they tell you to use Pre-seed. Have you ever seen this stuff? It’s like a jelly. The first time I used the recommended dose it was like a friggen slip n’slide. There was no friction what-so-ever and honestly it took all the fun out of that round. Plus that lube get so sticky so fast! There are not many lubes on the market designed specifically for trying to conceive. I have to congratulate System Jo on being one of the few companies who saw this niche in the market and created something that worked for us! It’s such a relief to feel seen in the industry. It’s a smooth lube that isn’t overbearing. It works with the natural fluids to create an enjoyable environment.
Another lubricant type product we love is Handi-Pop. Seriously, this stuff is amazing. When you’re trying to get your partner primed and ready, this stuff is great. It’s edible and provides great friction for some handy work before the main show. 😉 It also contains Horny Goat Weed which is an herb used in Chinese medicine to help combat all sorts of things-including ED. Plus, have I mentioned it tastes great? So this is bound to get your partner in the mood regardless of who is doing the mental math.
Okay, so now that we’ve talked about a couple lubes, what about products that can help you get achieve your goals? I want to look at the uterus owner side of things first- because it is often overlooked how important their enjoyment really is to the whole experience. When you orgasm your muscle contractions help to push the sperm up to where it needs to be.. So while sex is great, if it can end in orgasm for the vulva owner.. even better! So, what are some products that can help? I mean, any sort of clitoral stimulation helps. Studies have shown that most women orgasm from external stimulation. Adding a vibrator that hits the button while you are having intercourse is key! There are wearable ones, such as the We-Vibe chorus which is a great. Adding an air pulse toy though, is where it’s at! Whether it is the We-Vibe Melt, or one of the many from the Satisfyer line, I strongly urge every one to look into these products. They can be added into foreplay, or some of them are the right size that depending on the position you could use them during intercourse. Also, adding vibration like that can help add stimulation to the penis owner experience as well.
Speaking of the penis owner, what are some products geared towards them? Have you heard of the Arc-Wave Ion? Or the Hot Octopuss line? The products focus on the frenulum. And let me tell you how important that is!! Even if the penis owner is flaccid, the pulse plate technology used in the products stimulates the frenulum drawing blood flow to the penis. This can help get your partner in the mood, remember foreplay isn’t just for vaginas. There are also some really cool cockrings on the market that can help add stimulation to both partners. Trapping the blood in the erection can help increase the release, which can also make it more satisfying to both partners. There are also some that have an attached anal plug, which is fantastic to add some extra pleasure for the penis owner. Some of them also have vibration that helps to stimulate the clitoris of the receiver.
Some people don’t feel the need to bring toys into their journey, and that’s totally fine too.. But then how do you make sure both partners are feeling it? There are some amazing games you can bring in. Our favourite is the Month of Sex, what a fantastic way to keep things fresh. 😊 There are also so many coupons, and scratch cards that can help to add a little imagination into what sometimes feels like a bit of a chore. -Don’t read that wrong, sex is not the chore.. but being told when and where that can make it feel like one. Also, don’t forget to add a book of positions, if you’re like me and have been trying for multiple years adding some unique and crazy positions can help keep things interesting.
And lastly, the clean up! We’ve all heard the wives tale that if you put your feet up after intercourse none of the sperm will fall out. Scientifically speaking that is inaccurate.. however when you’re at the point where you’re trying any and everything.. you do it. We all do. So, having some Clean AF wipes on your bedside table, a lifesaver.
What ever methods you choose, remember to enjoy the process as much as humanly possible. Bringing the fun back into the bedroom helps release some of the stress you can feel as a couple, and will help to reduce cortisol levels- which is good for fertility. I also just want to add on a personal note- we see you, I see you. You are amazing, and this journey is a hard one. Don’t forget when you’re in picking up your new products for your next cycle, add a candle or a bath bomb for yourself. This is supposed to be the easy part- and we always add way too much stress to it.